Routine...or distinct lack thereof!

Bleurgh. How are you meant to change anything when you haven't left the starting block? How many days ago did I write, palpably, that things were going to change around here? Well, that's how many days I've sat in a room with a floor that looks more like an ocean of clothes and a distinct lack of momentum for the things I should be doing. Bleurgh. Welcome to reality, as i know it. My sleeping pattern is seriously messed up...right now, it's about lunch time for me, and I have a whole night of moonlight to accompany through what should effectively be my working day. Ohhh dear. Wonders never cease. Tomorrow I NEED to be up at 6am and I NEED to get my routine going. Once that starts, I can actually get somewhere. So please, someone give me a nudge tomorrow and kick me into shape?!

On a more groovy note, I have been having the most AMAZING dreams...I've been to parties with David Cook, on many odd adventures with Derren Brown and seen a lot of nostalgic faces! Maybe sleeping in the daytime could be a good thing, afterall. They've been those dreams that you hardly want to wake from...the ones that put cheeky little grins on your face. Sometimes I wish my mind wasn't so active and my imagination wasn't so eager. And if my dreams weren't odd enough...last night I was talking to Matt Lucas from Little Britain about British weather and insomia at 5am. Could things get weirder? Not only that, but Alistair Griffin made my night even better by twittering me 4 words that made my day very brilliant: "let's make it happen". Could 2011 be the year I finally meet him? According to him, it might :)

Anyway, must get on...off...whichever. Happy Friday everyone. Friday?...eeks!

"If things start happening, don't worry, don't stew, just go right along and you'll start happening too."

The title of this blog is a quote from a book by Dr. Seuss that pretty much encapsulates today. On my way out of the house to see the lovely people in the fruit shop this afternoon, I opened a letter from Wolverhampton University. I HAVE AN INTERVIEW FOR THE GTP!!! My original reaction was a huge grin and the excited tummy butterflies...instantaneously followed by the 'Oh goodness, this is happening' butterflies. I spent the next few minutes ignoring the fact I was stood outside waiting for a bus, and started panicking about the group interviews, my interview, my presentation, the fact i haven't got original GCSE certificates...PANIC OVERLOAD! What was the point of all that? All it did was plant seeds of doubt in my head that I would probably feed, profusely, for the next 7 weeks until the interview, causing them to be huge trees of panic to shadow me when I get there. No. Dr. Seuss is spot on. I've waited for a long time for things to start happening, and telling myself that 22 will be the year. I wanted this so badly, and my seemingly indissoluble worrying isn't going to stop me. It has stopped me for far too long. So next time any of you worry about something: thinking of all the negatives, the 'what ifs' of a situation...take each of them and slide a positive next to them, and before you know it, the light outweighs those shadows. Whatever you believe is truth.

I have an interview for the GTP...and  the minute I walk through their door, my smile will be far from incredulous. :-)

Change your thoughts and you change your world.

So when your eulogy is being read
With your life’s actions to rehash
Would you be proud of the things they say 

About how you spent your dash?

This is the final stanza of a poem that was introduced to me by someone I consider to be special. Since the moment I read it, it has become an integral part of my daily thinking. If I ask myself the question it poses, the answer would indefinately be 'no'. Don't get me wrong, I'm proud of numerous things I have achieved over the years, but I have missed out on so much that is important to me. This is about to change, and at the end of this journey, the answer will be uneqivocally, 'yes'. This blog is about honesty. If you are reading this, it means you want to hear my honesty, and if you don't...well, this isn't the place for you.

I'm a 22 year old romanticist with too many ideas than I know how to handle. Words move me and make me. Books are magical. If you gave me a cottage with a flower garden and a few special people, I would make it my world. If you were one of those special people, I would give you my world. I am a mass of contradictions, but they all join together to make sense only to myself. I like things that tell stories. The seaside makes everything clear but I hate the feel of sand on my feet. My feet are ridiculously small. I, too, am ridiculously small. You can win me over with a smile any day. I make a lot of mistakes, and I don't think I'll ever stop. Cheese...well let's not go there. I'm at my happiest when I'm spilling words onto a page with no direction. When I find the direction, I find my heart. Jack Hagley makes me question, Ainslie Henderson makes me think and David Cook makes me believe. In fact, the latter changes me daily. I don't expect anyone to comprehend that.

When I look on life I deem myself to be incredibly lucky, but I am lacking somewhat too. Above, is the flowery version of my life. But what I forgot to mention is I'm a 22 year old, overweight, unconfident, lost girl with a confusion of dreams and a penchant for words that define her existence. 

This blog marks the start of the journey of girl who will change her life. She will face things that have always scared her, lose the weight that has always stopped her, and find the face that matches her heart.

This is the start and I will reach the end.

Welcome to my journey through the days that will change my life.